RSSAbout Me
Fifty-One Random Things About Charles Bivona:
a verbal self-portrait
1. I love disaster movies. I find the sight of our civilization getting wiped out by a tidal wave so soothing.
2. I have never longed to have children. I love my niece and my nephews but they never make me desire a child of my own.
3. I have nine bookcases in my apartment, but I still feel like I need more books.
4. If left unchecked I could eat an entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting. Give me the jar, a spoon, a glass of milk, and a disaster movie – I’m set. This goes for any kind of cheese, lasagna, pizza, and Vienna Fingers cookies.
5. The main reason I did not stay in California is that I couldn’t stomach the constant sunny, sixty-five degree weather. I need my rainy days.
6. I have owned nearly twenty cars in my life.
7. I’ve never been impressed by famous people but I get goofy and giddy when I meet a poet that I admire.
8. Most liberal politicians are way way too conservative for me – this includes Obama.
9. Contrary to what some people believe, I am not at all confident and sure of myself – but I fake it very well.
10. I would love to be a stand up comedian.
11. I never pray. I’m not necessarily an atheist, I just don’t think a truly divine sentience would give a damn what I want or have to say – nor do I believe I could speak its language. Then again, maybe I am an atheist.
12. I have been to Communist Party meetings.
13. Before I went to graduate school, I seriously considered being a yoga teacher.
14. When I was younger I went to the gym almost every day – now I mostly go for walks.
15. My favorite book is Homer’s Odyssey.
16. There are only a handful of pieces I’ve written that I am truly proud of.
17. My childhood was traumatic and I fear that I’ll never get over it completely.
18. I hate clothes shopping. As I age, I am seriously considering buying ten identical sets of an outfit I like and just being done with the entire fiasco.
19. I will listen to or watch George Carlin anywhere and anytime – he never gets old.
20. I love all music but The Beatles, The Doors, Pink Floyd and Tom Waits are my favorites. Oh and Miles Davis’ album Kind of Blue, because of one particularly chill car ride through Kansas in 2002.
21. I have never played, nor been a fan of, any organized sport.
22. I feel slightly guilty about my career because I come from a working class blue-collar family that does not consider teaching and research real work.
23. There are words that I adore and words that I absolutely despise and would eradicate from the language if I could – i.e. ‘pamphlet’ – I despise that word.
24. I have a freakishly good memory – ask my oldest friends (this means you, Sang) – I can remember conversations and movie lines like a human tape recorder – I sometimes freak myself out with it.
25. I purchased a guitar in the 90s that I never learned to play. I keep it in my bedroom to mock me and maybe push me to take lessons – so far, no luck.
26. When I was in Jr. High and High School I wrote thousands of poems in notebooks and on little scraps of paper, but I was so afraid that someone would make fun of me for doing so that I destroyed them as soon as I wrote them.
27. I got married when I was thirty because I felt like it was what I was supposed to do. I had never been a conformist in my life, and I still don’t know why I acted like one in that particular instance.
28. In my teenage years I fell in love with almost every girl I knew. If you knew me then, and you were female, you can bet money that I was writing love poems for you at some point.
29. When I was living in California, I came very close to becoming a Buddhist monk. My teacher, a Buddhist nun, told me that vows of celibacy were not for me and refused to endorse my decision. I was heartbroken and felt more rejected than I have ever felt in my life. But she was right.
30. A psychiatrist once told me that I suffer from chronic empathy … I take on the emotional states of other people like a neurological chameleon. I hide this from most people, so now you all know.
31. My fourth grade teacher made my class read poetry every day and handed out prizes to anyone who memorized them. In a very fundamental way this man made me who I am today, and he likely has no idea how important he was to me. I think about this every time I walk into a classroom.
32. In my mid-twenties I studied with a Peruvian Shaman and during a drumming ritual I experienced an intense body seizure and blacked out. When I came to I was in a fetal ball crying. The Shaman said I had released some very old and very dark body memories. I don’t know if I believe that but I’ve never forgotten that experience.
33. When I was very young I was determined to get bitten by a radioactive spider. Failing that, I compensated for my crippling shyness and loneliness by fantasizing that I was a secret agent working for the government. Understandably, I had to stay alone and isolated to protect those around me. Sure, it was a martyr complex, but it helped me survive.
34. I am making a serious effort to not wish my life away – i.e. “I wish winter was over.” “I wish I had my Ph.D.” I feel like I have spent many years of my life rushing to the next checkpoint and I just don’t want to live that way anymore.
35. Facebook has been invaluable in my spiritual development because I am reading about people that I remember despising in my youth and now I can’t really remember why I felt that way. As it turns out, I despised myself back then. This is not a sad realization. It’s a major release and it is unbelievably healing.
36. I don’t believe in destiny. I believe in the immutable law ok karma … cause and effect … choices and consequences.
37. Everyone I know worries about retirement savings but I would be very happy teaching until I die. In fact, it might be kind of cool to die in front of the class – but that may traumatize the students … or leave them with a profound appreciation for life … I’ll have to think about this.
38. Who am I kidding? I want to die while having sex.
39. I still read comic books but I never play video games. I think comic books should be studied as serious literature. I think video games are nerve wracking.
40. I love comedy songs and song parodies. I just can’t get enough of them.
41. One of my all time favorite songs is The Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog. I listen to it in my car on full blast … and I sing along. Second favorite – Ape Man by Kinks.
42. The first girl I ever kissed is on my Facebook friends list … I doubt that she knows that she was my first.
43. I send over a thousand text messages a month – bits of poetry, quotes, things I write, etc. It is a means of communication that was made especially for people like me. Words words words!!!
44. If I became suddenly wealthy I would open my own Buddhist Learning Center and a Poetry Bar. I would gladly waste my entire fortune keeping these two establishments open as long as I could.
45. My longest sustained friendship is with a man who has watched me transform from one person into a completely different individual in the past fifteen years. You know who you are, and you know I love you for seeing me through it all.
46. I may one day suddenly vanish into Nepal or Bhutan and not return for many many years. This is a daily possibility.
47. I have gone on dates with women I met online – It has NEVER worked out. Well, in the long run, that is. Hehehe
48. When I was sixteen I debated a Catholic priest on the issue of birth control – particularly condom use – I still think I won that debate.
49. Despite my often virulent anger with this country, I do realize that other countries on Earth would have executed someone like me – with my thoughts and big mouth – a long, long time ago. But that is the extent of my patriotism.
50. Many men have fallen in love with me over the years. I have always been flattered and never threatened but I have also never been tempted to “switch sides.” Does that make me tolerant? Who knows…
51. Noam Chomsky is my GOD — Bill Hicks is my Jesus – Youtube them, and you will see why.
(The End)
