Chapter 6: From a Fairy Tale

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Once there was a boy who had his heart broken young. You can blame his father, or his mother, or the public school system, or the sadistic other kids, but none of that matters; the point is, this guy had never been un-heartbroken. You see, he was a product of his culture. He was the tightly pixellated picture of American normalcy.

On the surface, he was an adorable kid. He was plump, a little chubby, but not obese. He had rosy cheeks, and long eyelashes, and dark brown penetrating eyes, and glasses. He had worn glasses since he was three.

Four-eyed Sammy, they called him: his family and the other kids. Fat four-eyed Sammy, they called him. They used to laugh at him.  And he was one of those really sensitive kids, the kids who become artists and teachers, so he cried. They picked on him for crying. It was just vicious circularity.

He was lonely. He spent a lot of time imaging adventures. He spent a lot of time reading and watching TV. They both shaped him. He loved to read Robert Frost. He loved the Dukes of Hazard and the A-team. He named his yellow bike the General Lee. He created an imaginary organization of spies; he called it the X-Team. He liked the Duke boys for their confident swaggers; he loved the A-Team because of his father.

His father was a vet of the Vietnam conflict. The war had devastated him. His dad had been sprayed with something called Agent Orange. He didn’t know what that was. No one ever explained it to him. What did that mean?

It was his professor friend, Bruce, in college, who finally told him. The chemical infected his chromosomes. It was in his father’s body when Sam was conceived. So, it was in Sam’s body now. His kids might be deformed, if he chose to have any. He would likely get cancer, glaucoma, high blood pressure, and diabetes. He is another Vietnam casualty.

I’m so sorry, Sammy.

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Chapter 8: Sylvia

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Slyvia was shocked when I asked for a divorce. We had only been married for a year. She cried on the couch for hours. She pleaded with me. You made a promise to me, and God, and Jesus.

She was a Catholic. I was a Buddhist. We didn’t think the difference in religion would matter. It did.

When I left, she threatened to end her life. There was just no point to living now. She would never trust a man again. I was her life. I was her happiness. She loved me so much that she wanted me all to herself. We lived in a one bedroom apartment. We had no friends.

I stopped by to pack my clothes in moving boxes. She watched me from the window, sobbing. She pressed one palm on the glass and stared longingly at me. It was unsettling.

When I refused to go back after her first three months of begging, after she tried to get my best friend to talk some sense into me, when all her tactics had failed, she tried to have me committed. She wrote a four page, single spaced letter to my psychiatrist, Dr. Rubin.

She accused me of everything. I was a wife beating, whore chasing, drug sniffing menace to myself and society. I had threatened to kill her. I had assaulted her sexually.

Dr. Rubin read me the letter, slowly, deliberately. He asked me questions; he was laughing and smiling. He knew it was bullshit, thankfully.

You are not crazy, young man, he said, feeding the paper shredder, but you do need to learn how to be a son-of-a-bitch, sometimes.


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